me against the world

So I haven’t been blogging.

Sorry…

I just spent 15 minutes deleting spam comments. No matter what I try, some keep getting through the filter. As well, by accident I deleted a comment from Sen (noticed right after I hit ‘delete’).

On that note, thank you to the 125 Columbia guys for expressing interest in hearing what I have to say ;-)

Things have been hectic, as it has probably been for all university students, but I don’t really think that’s a good enough excuse for not blogging. I have just been letting life take more of my attention, I guess.

To clarify what I was talking about in previous posts:

My previous internship experience was a communications one and I am looking to get some technical experience to demonstrate my major (and capability) in computer science. I found out that since science isn’t my home faculty (media and communications is), I don’t qualify. That really upset me because I was left in the middle with no one to really help me, per say. And just because it isn’t my home faculty, that doesn’t mean that I am not taking all of the same courses. I realize it’s a bureaucratic issue (funding issues probably), but it’s still a bit frustrating.

Anyway, I have decided to just look for a technical summer job that isn’t an internship or co-op placement. It’s a bit difficult though. I’ve attended a few networking events and out of say ten companies, only two will offer non-internship/co-op placements. I understand why though, since all companies that have internship or co-op programs get subsidized by the government for the students’ pay.

It’s all a bit frustrating…

Anyway, we’ll see how it goes.

At the same time, I keep going back and forth on what I want to do in the future. I know I’m not the only one doing this, but thinking about it consumes a lot of my time. I loved what I did during my internship (corporate and employee communications) so I could do that. I’ve also learned a lot about the field of publishing (book, magazine or online) and have become really interested in doing that. At the same time, I am doing really well in my computer science courses and I’m really enjoying them. So I keep wondering if I should come back for an extra year after graduating with a BA, to get a BSc (I found out that I can do this), but I’ve decided that it will only be worth it if I really want to do technical work. I won’t know that until I try it, and so that’s why I’m so interested in finding a technical job to get some real-world experience.

Technically (ha), I could find a job that is in communications for a technical company, or vice versa, and that would satisfy me. But at the same time, sometimes I think that’ll be really hard to find.

Anyway! The whole point is that I’ve been thinking too much about things that I can’t really determine right now. I just have to take things one step at a time. Right now that involves finishing my courses for this semester (I can’t believe there are only a few classes left), hoping that this volunteer IT position I found goes through, and getting going with next semester. In January I will have to apply for summer jobs, so we’ll see how it goes.

On a side note, to all who are currently looking for post-grad jobs: good luck!! I hope it’s all going well…

I panicked the other night.

I was worried that all my efforts mean nothing and that I won’t be able to achieve what I want to achieve.

But then I slept it off. I took two nights and a few meaningful conversations and I’m back where I like to be. I feel confident and determined to work hard and get what I want. That’s the way I like it: the ball in my court and the knowledge that the more I practice and prepare, the more likely I will score and ultimately win.

I will give details in another post.

At this very moment, I’m hating the academic system.

I just hit a roadblock in terms of my plans and I am going to attempt to go around it.

However I think I’m going to hit a wall in the corporate system.

Joy.

I feel like a nobody. Thank you wonderful system.

Today I spoke at an internship session at school and actually realized that I am proud of what I have achieved so far.

At the same time, today I talked to a few different counselors and realized that achieving the next few stages of my “plan” is going to be a very complex procedure.

I want to take on so many things and go down so many avenues, that I seem to get overwhelmed sometimes. I know as well as anyone else does that I should take things a step at a time, and make each achievement one by one.

But sometimes it’s hard to just sit down and make my hyperactive brain stop so that I can focus. I’ll have to work on that.